Dear [Boss] and [Lab Manager],
It pains me a lot to have to write this letter, but I think it's important to tell you the truth. [Boss], as you know, for the past several years I have been struggling with an eating disorder, and although I had an excellent spring semester things have not gone as well this summer. My doctors and I have decided that it would be safest for me to go home to [insert NOS's home state here] so I can be more closely monitored. Therefore I will not be able to work in the lab for the rest of the summer. As of now I'm planning to return to [uni] in the fall and I would be more than happy to resume working then. But I completely understand if you decide that that's not a good idea.
I cannot express how sorry and how ashamed I feel to have to leave you in the lurch again. You both have treated me so well, and I appreciate everything you have ever done for me. But I need to take care of my physical and mental health.
Thank you both for your understanding of this situation.
NOS
I got these two letters in reply:
Hi NOS,
I’m so sorry to hear that things have gotten worse this summer, and I’m glad you’re making your health your first priority.
[Lab Manager] and I have both appreciated your thoughtful contributions and how hard you have worked to make our research a success. If you would like to return to the lab in the Fall, we would be very happy to have you.
If you choose to return, I want to make sure that it’s because you want to, and not because you feel obligated to do so. As we have discussed before, I also want to encourage you to pursue additional research experiences beyond our lab, both to round out your research skills and to ensure the strongest possible letters of recommendation for the next stage of your career. All of this is to say that I see you as an asset to our lab and would like to have you back, but that I also want you to consider what is in your own long-term best interest.
Once you know for sure whether you’d like to return to the lab this Fall, please let me know. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you have any questions or would like to discuss this further.
Wishing you all the best,[Boss]
Hi NOS,
I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you, and I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. It sounds like going home is the right decision for you right now.
We'll miss you in the lab, but we'll make do, so don't worry about that. Just focus on getting better. I actually had to leave school early my freshman year of college due to a mental health issue, so I definitely understand the boat you're in. If you ever want to talk about it, I'd be happy to get together in the Fall.
We'd love to have you back in the Fall, so just let us know what your plans are. No pressure. Do what's best for you.
Good luck with the rest of the summer.
Wishing you all the best,
[Lab Manager]
This was possibly the best outcome that could have happened. They understand. They have appreciated my work. They have given me the choice of coming back or not coming back to the lab in September. But most of all they understand. I still feel ashamed that I had to leave in the first place, but maybe, just maybe, my life is not in complete shambles.
7 comments:
Looking after your health before work is the right decision to make. After all, if you stay in work but continue to get sick, you'll end up being unable to work anyway. So it's definitely better to do something about it now rather than later on. I'm glad that your lab manager and boss seem to be understanding of your situation. x
You must feel relieved to have that issue out of the way, and to have received such nice input from your boss and lab manager. They obviously value you highly NOS.
Wishing you all the best with your recovery xx
NOS, your email was absolutely perfect! And the emails in return were also lovely.
I was especially struck by the lab manager's own mental health issue which forced her to take a leave and her kind offer of friendship.
Again, sweetie, if you had a physical condition, would you feel "ashamed" and like you had let everyone down? Why is a mental illness any different?
It isn't, in my book.
An illness is an illness whether its neurological or physical, or both and its nothing to be ashamed of. Leaving abruptly, couldn't be helped, but you expressed your sorrow perfectly.
The integrity that you show towards yourself and others is what makes you a winner!
I'm proud of you!
xo ~ L
In reading what you wrote NOS I was right there with you. You have two very supportive and understanding individuals who certainly do appreciate you very much. No wonder you enjoy working with them!
I am very proud of what you wrote. I know it was hard and that you were afraid of a negative response. But, you did not get one. People see you, believe it or not, as someone they really do like and care for.
As for the ashamed part, I would have felt the same thing. This is what I am trying to get over and work on. Speaking for ourselves NOS, "we" are not failures. "We" are humans. And as humans, we have problems that need to be taken care of. And that is what you are doing, and I am proud of you once again. You did NOT let anyone down.
((((NOSSY))))
Good Morning NOS,
Your bosses seems like really nice, understanding people. I am so happy you are able to take care of yourself and know you can go back to your job if you want to.
Blessings,
Tammy
See? You are as sick as your secrets :) When you stop hiding behind the sofa good things happen :)
Thanks for sharing this NOS. My experience is the same, the mor eI open up to others and tell them how I am feeling, the more I am liberated and the more deeply I connect with others. Glad your experience is the same :)
Great job and great results.
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