Today I came across this ad for a non-profit eating disorder awareness organization in Israel, Beitach. Clearly it is saying that anorexia is life-threatening. There has been discussion of how tasteful this ad is (the fact that they only need one pallbearer because the deceased is so light reinforces the idea that only the grossly underweight can suffer from or die from anorexia). But it got me thinking about my near-death experiences.
I have almost died several times-- I have forgotten how many. But the one of the two that really has stuck with me is my experience in March when I was taken to the hospital. I was being transported by ambulance from a psychiatric hospital in one city to an eating disorder unit within a psychiatric hospital in a different city and suddenly I felt nauseous. By the time I arrived at the second hospital I was feeling so lightheaded and weak that I couldn't stand up. During my intake I was shivering and felt so dehydrated that I was begging for water. They wouldn't give me the water I asked for-- they only gave me two 4oz juice cups which I promptly guzzled down, but that didn't satisfy my thirst. It was dinner time and I hadn't eaten all day so they brought my tray into the intake room and asked me to eat it. I got through a few spoonfuls of Jello and immediately vomited. The woman doing my intake gave me a garbage can to vomit into, but didn't take any action to help me. My guess is she thought I had self-induced the vomiting and/or was faking it to get out of eating.
After the intake they wheeled me (I couldn't walk) to the common area where I sat shivering for a while before they took some blood for lab analysis (but this wasn't because I was feeling sick-- they took blood from us every day so it was routine). When the blood tests came back it turns out that I had a phosphorus level of 0.2 mg/dL (the normal range is 2.4-4.1 mg/dL) and they immediately rushed me to the hospital. In the ambulance they discovered that I had a fever of 104 degrees and they hooked me up to an IV. I was taken to the Intensive Care Unit where while I was observed I fell asleep.
When I woke up and was slightly more lucid I realized that if I had been at home alone with extremely low phosphorus levels, dehydration and an extremely high fever I probably would have had a heart attack and died. But the scariest part is that the possibility of death didn't and still doesn't scare me. I'm not afraid of dying. When I see those pallbearers holding the coffin I think to myself "Seems like as good a goal as any."
7 comments:
NOS you can always find someone that cares enough about you to live. I know how dying can seem like the only way out of this "hell", but there has got to be more. Depression and an eating disorder is almost too much for anyone to bear. You are going to make it. You have too. It's so easy to lose control and get your lab work screwed up. It is deadly. I'm not telling you anything that you don't know. You have suffered with these diseases for a long time. Please try just one little meal at a time. I hope someday you will see in yourself what I see in you. I see a wonderful, caring young women who happens to suffer from a mental illness. Keep writing. Keep talking. I believe in you and am standing here with you. The world would not be as good of a place without you. I care for you always. Wanda
I'm glad they are only near death experiences, and I am not reading a report in a newspaper about an 'actual' death
((hugs))
Keep strong
xxxxx
Gosh, how scary :( I can't believe they didn't check you out for being sick.
Keep fighting lovely, there is a bright life for you.
xxx
Good Morning NOS,
Coming by to give you a hug this morning and to say "Hi". Hope you have a good week. :)
Blessings,
Tammy
Death is NOT ALLOWED!!!
That is the wrong answer!
Yes it is a sad pict, but please don't think that you have to compete to have the lowest number of pallbearers.
Sorry brain is not working today. Emotions are way too close to the surface.
I'm sorry that you feel that way. Death is an end, it isn't a goal. It comes to some sooner than others. But I want to see this life through to the end. So far, life even with its problems, has been fascinating. And the people I have met have enriched it. I have great curiosity about many things. Yes, I am curious about death too. But I can wait until life is done.
Here encouraging you dear one. ((((NOS))))
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