I have been really bored recently. There's not much to do where I live and I have no one to do it with. I spent all of yesterday watching a House M.D. marathon and then I had dinner and tea with my friend from treatment. I had a pretty good time; we bonded over not having friends where we live and about having had struggled after having left treatment. She said she wanted to make meeting up a weekly occurrence but I said I would call her about that. I think my social phobia got in the way-- I suddenly felt really anxious when she asked me to do something next Tuesday. Summer classes are also starting next week so I don't know how open my schedule will be. But I do want to see her again, I just hate making plans (if that makes sense). I hate making promises because I don't know where my mood and energy level will be. So I just avoid making plans altogether.
This morning I went to the lab to get the blood tests that Shrinkiepoo requested done. I hope everything is fine, but at the same time I hope he finds something that can be fixed because I am still really tired all of the time. I also had a phone appointment with Shrinkiepoo today in which he asked me to make some preparations for uni, so things are still looking good for my return!
I have been feeling kind of neutral/numb again. I think my meds just dull things-- they take the edge off of my depressed moods. Which I guess is better than feeling depressed, but it doesn't help my boredom. But then again I don't know what I would like to feel. Happiness just doesn't seem like an option.
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4 comments:
(((((NOS))))) Having trouble thinking right now so I don't know what to say. You take care of yourself.
NOS hopefully your blood work will reveal something treatable in order for you to feel better. ((((NOS))))
I understand about the making plans thing. I often do that and then cancel or I just avoid making plans at all. The only thing I do make plans for is my cardmaking classes. I never thought I would be able to keep doing that but every class I go to I love, so it's the only thing I feel comfortable doing that with now. I even cancel other appointments like last week I cancelled my appointment with my psychiatrist (not usually a good idea because he starts thinking I am avoiding him) and this week I cancelled my dentist appointment because I really don't want to go but I should. I just like being at home and being able to do what I like. It doesn't always work out that way though :-/
~Sarah~
Good Morning NOS,
So glad to hear you had a good time with your friend. I pray Shrinkiepoo can help you. By the way, I laugh every time I type Shrinkiepoo. You have a sense of humor in the way you name everybody. It makes me smile.
Sending you hugs.....
Blessings,
Tammy
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